Free

I have been released from the tyranny of reason and of the stomach. Odd combination, but true though related only indirectly. My mind does not know everything - yes, I knew this in theory, but somehow reverted to the opposite in practice. After thinking things through, I have to let go of my ideas for better ones to come or else always struggle, always go against the grain, always apply brute will power to bring things about... and for what, they fail most of the time. But the ideas that come from the ether - what the little bird tells me - never fail; and I believe that. Yes, Kant said, reason ends to leave room for faith. Christ left our physical, material world to awaken our faith. Believe!

As for my stomach - I realized I was always conscious of it in whatever I did; jogging; working; of course, eating and drinking. I was always concerned by its many sounds, sensations, degrees of full-/emptiness - all of which I could only guess and interpret with disastrous results. I now ignore it. It does not tell me when my body really needs this or that nutrition; it does not tell me when I have eaten enough of a particular food. (Mind you, reason does not tell me this either.) It can growl and churn and stop up and be achey all it wants, it will not stop me from running until I have run enough, eating when I really need to, or stopping eating when I do not need any more food. My mouth waters in a delightful way when I am hungry, and what my body needs tastes good. I am through with second-guessing my stomach, and the Japanese 80%-full mentality.

Eating is now a delightful pleasure. I am the thinnest I have been without trying.

Thinking and thought are a miraculous delight; ideas do not originate in reason; they come from the ether, the Universe Inside; I wait upon the Lord's good pleasure, and He (the Universe Inside) gives me my heart's desire.