A Canaanite woman asks Jesus to heal her daughter (15:21-28). Not an Israelite (his people) not even a Samaritan, but a hated Canaanite. Jesus tries to shake her off by putting her in her place (a pagan); but she insists, undeterred by slurs - even a dog eats the crumbs that fall from the master's table. An exercise in extreme humility; an image of a mother desperate for her daughter's sake. A woman who knows her place in the earthly and divine hierarchies. There is something almost frightening in that - something one cannot emulate, but only does out of desperation.
#25
Jesus feeds the multitudes with 7 loaves of bread and a few small fish. Happy images; relaxing and merriment by the lakeside.
#26
Jesus warns his disciples of the 'yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees'. (16:1-12) It is so easy to doubt; so easy to point out inconsistencies. So hard - it requires all I've got - to not give up on following Jesus; my failings get in the way, defeatist thinking blocks the view; despair is always just around the corner; guilt clouds even my heart...
#27
Jesus praises Peter for his faith in seeing him as Messiah; but in the next breath, Peter, the rock, has stumbled, by trying to protect Jesus, his beloved master, from the hands of priests, elders and other authorities. Jesus repeats his warning: do not look for something to live for in this life; but set your sights on the treasures in heaven, the coming eternal life. It is not in the earthly life with Jesus that the disciples are to find their meaning and life, but in the next life, the ideal life to come that we are all so not ready for.
#28
Jesus' transfiguration. To me, this event is like the sign of things to come. Jesus in full glory - but that he returns to his more normal form seems to indicate that we are not ready to see him in this way. I recall having felt regret that we could not have sent Jesus off at this point - with the whole world faithfully attending, our hearts all turned toward him and heaven. We are like kindergarteners watching the older kids demonstrate the performance we are supposed to learn and reproduce. It all seems too hard, too complicated - we're just not ready.
#29
Jesus says to his disciples: unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Children are by no means innocent beings. My two year old nephew, as adorable as he is, teaches me that children are full of the tendency to go wrong. They can be willful and rebellious. But something about them makes them closer to God than the most pious of adults. They don't worry about tomorrow (at least those fortunate enough to have parents that can provide for them), they dream about the future, they give their all to their play and studies, and want to please their parents. If we are to draw an analogy: we are the children, and our parents, God; are we to live like we did as a child...? It sounds very fairy-tale and dreamy. I know that as soon as I return to real, everyday life, something or other will blindside me out of this dreamy state. We all know childlike people; we also tangibly see 'sobering' forces attacking those childlike people. When we see them 'grow up' and become weathered and tired like the rest of us, though we are not glad, it seems the way it should be (from the worldly point of view). Occasionally, we see childlike people live past the attacks, the mockeries, the snide remarks, the put-downs,... Is that how Jesus wants us to live? A little, vulnerable but peppy voice of faith? Unshaken and our sights set on the 'future' (kingdom of heaven)?
#30
The ancients, like most of us today, believe that the blessings of God are manifest in this life as earthly abundance and wealth. And yet, Jesus tells the disciples that it is harder for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel to go through the eye of a needle! It is certainly true that the more we have, the more we feel entitled to what we have; whereas, when we have very little, the little we have, we feel we can give freely. A blessing in this life is not all well and good - it tempts us away from preserving our heart for our rewards in heaven, into attaching ourselves and the meaning of our life to earthly rewards.
#31
And yet, Jesus says he desires mercy not sacrifice (9:13) Don't squander your wealth (if you have it) recklessly, but give out of mercy and compassion to those who need it. And for those who do not have wealth, stop envying those who do, and set your sights on heaven. We all fail to do what is asked of us by God in some way or another; what seems to matter is whether we do our best to keep God's commandments, and make decisions and respond according to the laws of heaven or of the material world. It is hard; the material world seems to come with its own expectations and 'laws' like magnetic fields that sucker us in when we are weak, overworked, overtired, underpaid... Lord, strengthen my faith.
#32
Jesus condemns the figtree: (21:18-22) At this point, I do not blame Jesus for doing this. How frustrating the world must be to him - full of stumbling blocks for the spiritually faithful. But what Jesus says is not an expression of despair about this hateful world; but an expression of faith: Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only will you do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, "Be lifted up and thrown into the sea" it will be done. Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive.' So, all the time that I met with stumbling blocks in the real, material world, instead of saying: you see, you can't live with your head in the clouds; instead of that, Jesus tells us to say: it is the material world that is not right; whatever goes wrong there doesn't matter; little things don't matter; what matters is that my heart is always faithful to Jesus' word; and when it is not, repentant.
#33
For many are called few are chosen: 'The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding banquet for his son.... but those who had been invited... would not come. They made light of it and went away, one to his farm, another to his business, while the rest seized his slaves, mistreated them, and killed them. The king was enraged. He sent his troops, destroyed those murderers, and burned their city. Then he said to his slaves, "...those invited were not worthy. go therefore into the main streets, and invite everyone you find.... But when the king came into see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing a wedding robe,.... and had him thrown out. '
#34
(23:1-39) Ours is not a religion for the faint-hearted.... 'Therefore I send you prophets, sages, and scribes, some of whom you will kill and crucify, and some you will flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town, so that upon you may come all the righteous blood shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah...' 'The measure you give will be the measure you get' (Mk 4:24). No one, not the (self) righteous Pharisees and Saducees, the decent rich man, the disciples, ... no one can escape the light of God which shines upon all aspects of us, good and bad. What can we do but to pray that our hearts be turned, that our ways be improved, that our faith be strengthened. I feel at this point, that I am hanging for dear life from a thread on Jesus' hem.
#35
What can we do but to surrender our life to God's judgment and submit to the consequences, hoping in his mercy and grace.
#36
How much I do hope for God's mercy and grace - sometimes depending on it as I cut corners and hide my failings and feelings of guilt.
#37
Be ready (24:32 - 25:46) I am not ready. I haven't repented enough for the sins I have committed, and for the sins I continue to commit daily. Jesus prepares for his own death (26:46), and the rest of us follow, stricken in our hearts about our failings and about Jesus leaving from among us. But there are none other for Jesus. We, Christians, are it. If not us, then who else. I am strengthened by this thought; however much we fail, our hearts are with Jesus; and by the grace of God, let us be faithful....
#38
Peter the rock stumbles again. 'I do not know the man!' Peter claims, three times, even after he had been warned by Jesus that he would do this. He weeps bitterly. Why do we fail? But on people such as us Jesus' church stands... I'm humbled and feel a sense of compassion - rather than criticism - for those who serve in the church. The more we try to do good, the more we fail, it seems; but there are people who commit their entire life to trying.
#39
They (we) spat on Jesus! (27:27-31) All our failings come to this: we ignore, disparage, hurt, and kill Jesus - I may not have been the one to actually do this, but every time I cut a corner and get caught up in the material world with all its monsters and goblins (anxieties and fears), it is the same type of movement of the heart as spitting on Jesus. What can I do for Jesus in this life? What can I do to make up for all my failings, to keep making up for all my failings?
#40
Jesus cries: 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' (27:46). It is the cry of someone for whom it is all too much - and that is exactly the point of his death. Jesus did everything that was possible for him to do; at the point it became impossible to endure, God took him away. One fear I have had to acknolwedge is being trapped in my own death - that is, having no way to save myself and having to accept my own inevitable demise. After acknowledging that, I don't fear it so much any more. But still I battle with inner goblins and monsters that make me anxious about my future, my health, my life... All that seems to pale in comparison to Jesus' end - so much pain (emotional and physical) and suffering, and he endured it all with grace. It is possible if God wills it.
#41
Jesus is resurrected and returns to say: 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy "spirit and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.' Amen.
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